The Sound of a Shotgun
by jacefacexx
Summary: The sky is crying for you today, you know? So am I. It was unfair. So unfair the way you died. AKUROKU ANGST SUICIDE Rated M


I decided to rewrite this story. It was only about some 400 words long, and I made it longer and much more thorough. Which makes me smile :)

**This story is told from Roxas's point of view.**  
**Sadly I do not own these characters, it's very depressing.  
But at least I own the story, that makes up for it.**

**Disclaimer: I no own, you no sue.**

Hey... Axel?

The sky is crying for you today, you know? So am I. It was unfair. So unfair the way you died.

Sitting here alone in the apartment we used to share is lonely, but I'm past the point of caring much. Without you in my life, my other half, my light, I've stopped seeing the reason of anything anymore. Ever since you've gone away the sky hasn't stopped crying, and neither have I. It's been a very long time without you.

Everytime I fall asleep I have nightmares of the night of the crash, I re-live that blackest of all nights. When we were driving home from the movie we just saw, laughing and listening to the radio. When the beams of a car in the opposite lane were suddenly blaring down on us, blinding us. When my vision darkened as you twisted out of your seat to jump in front of me. Protect me. Save me.

But as I heard the ear-splitting noise of metal against metal, the shattering of the glass around us, the loudest noise of everything was your voice as you screamed in agony combined with my scream of pain and terror as well. Then I blacked out. The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed

I received a few broken ribs and a broken arm. You... well you got the worst. The doctors visited my room and talked to me after my surgery, a couple of hours after I woke up from the anesthetics. Though my mind was still slightly foggy from being medicated, I was in shock and pain from what they told me. You, the only one for me, had ruined your chance to live by trying to protect me. The dashboard had caved in what must have been a split second after you placed your body in front of me. Your body was crushed and they said you passed away shortly after I was removed from the wreckage. You were bleeding profusely, but the medics on the scene relayed to the doctors that he had enough strength to ask if I was okay. A couple seconds after they told him I should be fine he smiled, and then he passed out from blood loss. They pronounced him deceased at 11:45 PM. Five more minutes and we would have been home. We would have been safe, and none of this would have ever happened.

But they said that you would have _lived_, if you hadn't thrown yourself to protect me. The seatbelt would have saved you. That we would be all right and you would still be here…

You. Would. Have. Lived god damn it.

And in that knowledge was worse than any flesh wound I would ever get... I know what you would say to me now, what you would say if it was someone else who was in pain, who was clinging to something so desperately that they were hurting themselves.

"_Let it go Rox_." Then you would bend down to wipe the tears from my face with your warm fingers and then sweetly kiss my lips. And you would murmur, while staring into my eyes, that you love me.

But that's just the thing. You _aren't_ here. You _aren't_ here to hold me and tell me everything's all right. You, the main part of my life, the _best_ part of my life, the only thing I had, needed, to keep living. But you're not here, not anymore. You just _aren't_.

It has only been three weeks, but it feels like it's been decades since I've seen your face. Since I came home, I've stopped doing everything that I used to. I'm pretty sure that my boss called last week a couple times, telling me to take as long as I needed before I came back to work. Olette tried calling me, along with Pence and Hayner, but I've ignored the phone. I was grieving because I don't know why I didn't die too. I should have. A life without you isn't a life at all.

Sora is the only one I've let see me. My brother isn't as easy to dissuade as my friends. He comes by daily, see's how I'm doing, cooks for me because I think he knows that I probably wouldn't be eating anything if he wasn't here. He knows that I'm pretty much unstable right now, so he keeps the conversations in safe areas, trying his hardest to remind me of what I used to have before the accident. And after I've been fed, and it's starting to get late, he hugs me tightly and I hug back. His hugs don't really placate me, but it makes him feel better, so I let him. Then he smiles sadly at me, telling me he'll see me tomorrow, which I try to answer everytime with a smile. I don't know what it looks like on my face, it feels like a ghost of what used to be there. And then he leaves.

That reminds me, when Sora stopped by today to see how I was doing, he brought Riku along with him. It was strange to see Riku, to see anyone other than Sora, he looked different somehow since that last time I saw him... Maybe that was because I couldn't recall the last time I'd seen him. He didn't say much to me while he was here though, and I understand. He didn't know what he could say to me, after losing you Axel. I could see the pity in Sora's eyes as he and Riku had to leave, when he hugged me bye, he told me, "_Take care of yourself Rox_." Riku nodded to me, knowing that I wouldn't accept physical contact from anyone else. AS they walked out of my door Riku put his arm around Sora's shoulders to comfort him, and Sora wrapped his arms around Riku's torso. It left me feeling more empty seeing them comfort each other like that. It made me remember how it happened.

Last year, the year we had gotten together, it was because of a final push from Riku. He had cornered you in your bathroom, angrily yelling at you for being such a dimwit, saying that if you didn't tell me how you felt for me, that eventually somebody else was. You yelled back that what he was saying was just _rich._ He wasn't even able to tell Sora how _he _felt for him. So you both agreed that you'd both grow a set and finally ask us out.

I remember when you told me. We were hanging around at your place, watching a movie, when you stopped the DVD. I looked questioningly over at you and asked you what was up. You weren't looking at me at first, you were staringly angrily at the paused television screen. Then the anger disappeared and you smiled and finally turned to me. Your eyes were then boring into mine, full of determination. Full of fire. And full of love. Definitely love. I also remember your look when you first kissed me. And when you would hold my hand in front of everyone to show that I was _yours, _along with the various marks lining my neck.

It doesn't matter to me anymore, this world that is so cold without you. I don't know if they saw this end for me coming, but I always knew that I couldn't and wouldn't live without you. I know that you looked down on suicide, ending a life before it's time... But I can't live without you here with me Axel. I just want you to know that I'm coming, I'll see you soon, and I love you.

_BANG_

* * *

Yes, Roxas killed himself. Axel was the only thing he had worth living for.  
Yes, I believe Roxas met Axel in heaven. Their love was true and pure.

_With too much rain the flowers will drown, (read&review&thankyou),  
Peachi Bunni_


End file.
